She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
