i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
