There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
