just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
