I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
