But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize