My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
