I bet he comes in French.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
