I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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