Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
