Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
