My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize