I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
