worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize