I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
