I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
