you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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