I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
