Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
