he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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