i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
