my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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