I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
