I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize