We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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