I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
