ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just pee around me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
