omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
