Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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