I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
