i jhust puked up my retainher.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
