my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
