Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
