He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize