just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
