i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
