the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
