I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
