Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
