I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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