my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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