He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
