I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Im part way to drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
