If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
