My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
