I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
