from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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