Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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