I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize