Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
