Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
