the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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