I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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