Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
