i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
