Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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