If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize