oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
