Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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