So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
