at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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