This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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