he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
