I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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