hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
