i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
