I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
