U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
