her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
