it wasn't lemon gatorade
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
